Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
we should paint friendship bongs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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