Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
