McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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