Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
well you can't waste a boner
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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