We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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