Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
