Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
