there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize