South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
