Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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