He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
