We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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