Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Be still, my beating vagina.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
