How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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