Just fell off a train. Bad.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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