I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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