so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
