Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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