This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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