You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
