There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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