Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
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she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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