I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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