wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
