My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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