I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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