Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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