apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
