Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
