The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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