just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
