I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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