it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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