Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
