There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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