I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
