i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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