Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
