i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
