i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
