i barfeds in our rink
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
