Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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