True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just want nice things and good sex
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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