I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
