Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
