i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
