Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
