i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
