I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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