If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize