Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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