you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
