So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
