I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
