Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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