I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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