I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
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I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
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Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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