32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
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YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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