She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
