I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
