I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
